


Heal

by ancient_moonshine



Series: Across the Stars [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, 镇魂 | Guardian (TV), 镇魂 | Guardian - priest
Genre: Age Difference, Dreams, Fluff and Angst, Force Visions, Reunion, SW is around 35, Smut, Star Wars AU, With a side-dash of Time Traveler's Wife, ZYL is about 18-19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 00:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18062807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancient_moonshine/pseuds/ancient_moonshine
Summary: Shen Wei reunites with the lover he hasn't seen in twenty years, and breaks.





	Heal

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Xierroh from the discord chat who made a manip of Luke Skywalker ZYL :D Sadly I can't link it here, but it made me feel so many emotions that indirectly led to the writing of this fic.

Ye Zun’s ship winks out of their visual field. Shen Wei watches his twin leave him behind for the second time and feels nothing.

It feels almost pleasant, he thinks distantly. The ashes were almost preferable to the lancing agony he’d felt as Ye Zun turned and fled from him in fear, leaving him alone for good among the corpses of the Jedi. It isn’t until he feels the knuckles brushing gently against his face does he remember that he, in fact, is not alone. At least for the moment.

Zhao Yunlan’s still holding him, his arm tight around his waist and the grip on his wrist near-bruising, his whole body radiating a warmth that startles Shen Wei after so long without human contact of any kind.

 _You look so young._ Shen Wei finds himself thinking, slightly dazed. The first time Shen Wei had met him, he had been four and Yunlan had been the same age, curious who had been crying loudly enough that he’d heard him in his sleep. Right now, Yunlan looks exactly as he did the last time Shen Wei dreamed about him – twenty years ago, the night before Shen Wei had made his decision to give himself to the Dark, had kneeled to the first Emperor and accepted his fate. Still just a boy, probably not even out of his teens, though taller than Shen Wei by about an inch. Clean-shaven, his face unlined and his hair cropped short around his ears, and he smells of clean sweat and engine fuel. Glowing incandescent in the Force, shining so bright that Shen Wei wonders if he’ll be burnt to ash if he holds him long enough-

Shen Wei nearly takes a step closer before he remembers himself. The stormtroopers and officers glance away at the look on his face  - probably _at_ the very sight of his face, he has never not worn his mask around them - and he collects himself, struggles out of Yunlan’s grip and all but marching him back inside the base.

There will be whispers, but for Shen Wei to reach for his mask would betray even more weakness. It’s not like any of his men will dare do anything about it, anyway. He became Emperor after killing the old one for a reason. One Sith lord to replace the old, and rule the galaxy. A weight Shen Wei never wanted but had no choice but to bear.

He does not meet Yunlan’s gaze, but he can feel it on him, burning. Just like the warmth of his touch when he wraps his hand around Shen Wei’s bare wrist. Shen Wei tries to tug it back, and Yunlan just tightens his grip. Shen Wei’s still holding onto his lightsaber, a finger hovering over the button, but the look on Yunlan’s face when he tries to glare at him keeps him from switching it on.

 _You’re real. You’re here._ Shen Wei’s eyes burn and his throat tightens. Desperately forcing himself not to look at what – _who_ he thought had been a figment of his imagination for so long, wishing he could put on his mask. Yunlan to his credit does not say a word – not one inappropriately shameless jab, not a single teasing remark. He waits until Shen Wei’s led him to his personal quarters – sending a terse message to his General Chu Shuzi to ensure he’s not disturbed – and then as soon as the doors close behind him, Yunlan’s pinning him against them, hands on either side of him.

Shen Wei raises his lightsaber, holding the tip against Yunlan’s chest in warning.  Yunlan glances from it, to Shen Wei, Shen Wei forcing himself to look him in the face - then Yunlan pushes Shen Wei’s lightsaber aside, grasps his jaw between his fingers and kisses him.

It’s nothing and everything like his dreams of Yunlan when he was young, and Shen Wei’s lightsaber slips out of his nerveless grasp at the reality of it. He gasps and Yunlan’s takes full and shameless advantage by slipping his tongue into his mouth, and Shen Wei’s drowning, drowning. Heat and the painfully familiar sensation of Yunlan’s tongue, sliding against his, exploring him, licking at his teeth and the walls of his cheeks as he tastes Shen Wei as thoroughly as possible. His hand on Shen Wei’s jaw, his grip firm but gentle at the same time and Shen Wei lets out a sob as he finally lets himself respond, his shaking hands tangling in Yunlan’s short hair, Kissing back, sucking at his tongue.

Distantly, Shen Wei thinks that this is the first time someone’s kissed him, touched him in the flesh, and he forgets how _open_ his mind has always been to Yunlan when Yunlan growls _,_ grasps him closer. Shen Wei barely holds back a sob of loss when Yunlan pulls back for air, chasing him down and nipping at his lips, greedy and desperate and Yunlan’s groan nearly makes Shen Wei’s knees buckle. Yunlan’s eyes glitter as he sliding his free hand down and Shen Wei jumps as Yunlan cups his ass.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Yunlan pants as he showers kisses against Shen Wei’s face. “I _have_ to kiss you. Missed you so much -“ Pressing his hips against Shen Wei’s and Shen Wei sucks in a sharp breath as he feels Yunlan’s hardness- and his own, trapped against layers of cloth. Shen Wei’s unable to bite back the moan as Yunlan starts to kiss his neck, nothing gentle about the way he’s sucking at his neck like he can’t get enough of the taste of him. Pulling back so he can skate his lips against the lines of his face – over his brow, under his eyes, on his nose and cheeks, taking in the differences time has wrought. Shen Wei’s so turned on he’s trembling when Yunlan kisses him again on the mouth.

“Can I- will you-“ Shen Wei jerks his head in a nod, and he barely feels himself tugging Yunlan’s trousers down as Yunlan – probably with the aid of the Force- unties the layers of his robes with unnerving ease, tugging them down Shen Wei’s shoulders and shoving him against the door and at the first touch of hot silk against his Shen Wei’s gone. His knees giving way beneath him and the breath stolen out of his lungs by Yunlan’s kiss, Yunlan’s gentle arms the only thing holding him up.

 _“Xiao Wei,”_ Yunlan breathes against his mouth as he takes his hand, tangling their fingers around their cocks. Shen Wei shudders, at the nickname even more than the touch, unable to look away from Yunlan’s gaze. Heated and _wanting_ and full of the soft things Shen Wei dreamed about but doesn’t deserve. It takes only a couple more strokes and one more kiss, and Shen Wei loses all feeling in his legs as he comes.

A thrust, and a groan. Shen Wei’s eyes fly open as he feels the warmth of Yunlan’s seed against his skin, mingling with his. He hadn’t even realized they’d fallen shut. Yunlan breaks the kiss to let them both breathe, and then they’re sinking. Collapsing onto the floor together and Yunlan gathers Shen Wei up as he crumbles against him, his mouth aching and numb, every inch of his skin on fire.

Shen Wei fights to regain his breath – not an easy feat, with Yunlan nuzzling lazy kisses down his neck. Blinking away the burning feeling in his eyes that was so unwelcome and familiar. It takes him a while to realize Yunlan’s apologizing.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Over and over against Shen Wei’s skin. “I never wanted to leave you. I’m sorry.” Shen Wei closes his eyes rather than let them overflow, angry at himself, then at Yunlan. His arms tremble as he shoves Yunlan away from him. Yunlan falls back, and the expression on his face is startled. Young and lost as Shen Wei opens his eyes to glower at him, his shoulders shaking.  

“ _Twenty years.”_ He snarls. “Twenty years that I was alone. That you made me believe you were never real. I dreamed of you all my life and when I needed you the most, you were gone.”  Yunlan’s eyes are glassy. Shen Wei wants to shake him, wants to take him apart piece by piece, wants to curl up in his arms like he did when he was a shivering, frightened boy and that was the only comfort he knew. His hands covered in blood even in his dreams, Yunlan kissing his forehead and telling him it would be all right, he would be all right, they would find a way out-

But he’s no longer a boy now. And Yunlan is real. He flinches when Yunlan reaches for him, and the look on Yunlan’s face is unbearable. Shen Wei’s mouth tightens as he glances away, at anything but him, but Yunlan places a hand on his cheek, and he crumbles again.

 _Why did you abandon me?_ He does not say, because of course he knows the answer to that. “Where did you go?” He finally asks, as Yunlan takes him into his arms. Yunlan cups his face between his hands when he looks up, brushing his thumbs beneath Shen Wei’s lashes.

“I don’t know.” His voice cracks. “After the Temple -when you were on your way to Mustafar -I stopped dreaming about you. I nearly went crazy trying to find you again.” Shen Wei thinks of that day, twenty years ago. Shen Wei had always thought that was when he truly fell. Not during the war, not during the slaughter in the Temple, not during Mustafar where his family fled from him and where he broke himself and knelt, but when he fell asleep for the first time to find that his one refuge was gone.

Yunlan’s eyes are large and hopeful and full of pain in his young face. Staring at him, Shen Wei feels something in him crumbling.

“How long has it been for you?” Shen Wei asks, his voice weak. Yunlan swallows, leans their foreheads together.

“One year.” He says, and the bottom drops out of Shen Wei’s stomach. “When I woke up that day, I threatened Mom that I would give myself up to the Empire if they wouldn’t tell me the truth. The truth about you.” He’s still holding Shen Wei’s face.

“… Your mother?” Shen Wei echoes. Then he remembers. The grey-haired woman in desert brown with the shrouded Force signature. The one Yunlan had given a small shake of his head as for one moment, she had tried to reach for him. Yunlan swallows, tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear.

“Xi. Your former Master.” Shen Wei sucks in a breath, eyes widening. And _yes,_ he can’t believe he had never seen it before. The slope of Yunlan’s cheeks, his chin, his smile-  All Master Xi’s. Shen Wei remembered her, everyday he suffered under the old Emperor’s tutelage. Her kindness, the warmth of her hands. How she had broken the Jedi Code subtly, at every opportunity when it no longer served the purposes of good. How she had allowed Shen Wei and Ye Zun to keep in contact with each other in secret, despite the Council forcibly separating the both of them. The horror in her eyes the last time Shen Wei had seen her, after the slaughter in the Jedi Temple. Order 66.

 _Did she tell you what happened the last night I dreamed about you? What I did to make her and Ye Zun flee, when all I wanted to do was save them._ His hands spasm as he reaches for Yunlan, waiting for him to flinch away. Yunlan lets go of his face to take him by the wrists. Kissing his palms, then his mouth, and Shen Wei hates himself just a little more for how he melts against it. Like he’s sixteen again, young and lost and in so much pain that the Dark Side had eaten him whole.

“I’ve been trying to find my way back ever since. After Mom told me the truth about my dreams, I drove her and Dad up the wall trying to get here. To you. The fucking Force was what led that damn droid to be sold to us when Dad was just after spare parts.” Yunlan gives him a weak smile, brushes a gentle kiss against Shen Wei’s forehead.

“I thought. Maybe that’s why the dreams stopped. Because you need me with you here. Here and now, in the present.” He folds Shen Wei into his arms, and Shen Wei’s fingers bite into his skin as he grasps him as tightly as possible.

“You’re too late.” Shen Wei whispers. _Twenty years too late. Look at what I’ve become, at all I’ve done._ Yunlan shakes his head, his voice just slightly unsteady as he brushes Shen Wei’s hair away from his forehead.  

“No, I’m not.” He says. “I know I’m late, but I’m here now. The Force led me back to you  - led _us_ back to each other _-_ for a reason.” Shen Wei bites back a sob as Yunlan tucks him against his chest, rocking him like he used to do when he was a youngling in the crèche, everything torn away from him – his world, his brother, even his name, the only thing left to him the smile of a boy his age, reaching out his hand and telling him he would be all right, and that it was okay to cry.

Yunlan leans down, brushes his lips against Shen Wei’s ear. “Xiao Wei, just cry.” He whispers, the first time in twenty years that Shen Wei has been called that nickname. The first time in twenty years he’s _had_ a name, instead of being the _Emperor._ “I’ll still be here when you wake up. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never leave you again.” Holding him tightly as Shen Wei finally lets himself apart.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> To all those who commented: Thank you so very much, I'm so sorry I haven't replied to your messages yet, midterms hell is upon me and I haven't found the time. :sobs: Think of this fic as a thank you from me to you. Thank you all for reading and commenting. :D


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